Has the pandemic caused stress in your relationship?  Do you feel you and your partner are on different pages?  Do you feel your partner speaks a different language than you do?

Watch this video where Dr. Ambreen Basria and Alwaez Jamil Sawani discuss the five love languages, how to identify your and your partner's unique love language, and communication strategies to reduce conflict and promote harmony.

November is Family Violence Prevention month.

One in four Canadians has experienced domestic or family violence. With the emotional and financial impacts of the pandemic, domestic/family violence is on the rise. This month, we come together to raise awareness, break down the myths, and destigmatize the topic of family violence within our community. By educating ourselves and shining light on this important topic, we support victims, strengthen families, and strengthen our Jamat.

What is family/domestic violence?

Family violence is any form of abuse or neglect that a child or adult experiences from either a family member or from someone with whom they have an intimate relationship. It is an abuse of power by one person to hurt or control someone who trusts and depends on them.

Who does it impact?

Nobody is immune to family violence – it can occur in any family or partner relationship – between two intimate partners of any sex, between an adult and child, or towards an elder. There is no specific financial status, level of education, or culture that insulates a family from experiencing violence in their home. Domestic violence impacts us all, regardless of age, race, religion, culture, financial status, education, sex, or sexual orientation.

Partner violence can occur in any type of intimate relationship – couples who are married, engaged, dating, or casual. It can occur to people of all sexes. While physical and sexual abuse are more widely recognized as forms of partner violence, there has been a rise in emotional abuse as an outcome of the pandemic.

Child abuse is the physical or psychological mistreatment of a child under 18 by an adult. This adult could be anyone in the child’s life, including a biological or adoptive parent, a step-parent, a guardian, or someone else. Child abuse includes any form of physical, emotional, and/or sexual mistreatment, or a lack of care that causes injury or emotional damage.

Elder abuse is any action, or lack of appropriate action, which results in harm or distress to an older person by someone in a relationship of trust. The most common forms of elder abuse are financial abuse (which can occur with or without the consent of the senior) and neglect (the lack of proper care for a dependent senior, whether intentional or unintentional).

What does family/domestic violence look like?

There are many forms of family violence:

• Physical abuse of a family member results in bodily injury and sometimes death.
• Sexual abuse is any sexual activity towards a family member or intimate partner, including within a marriage, that is either forced, non-consensual, unsafe, or humiliating.
• Emotional/Psycho-social abuse includes words or actions to control, frighten, or destroy the self-respect of a family member or intimate partner.
• Financial abuse includes the control or misuse of a family member's/an intimate partner's assets by taking them without permission. It can also take the form of preventing them from going to work or otherwise obtaining money/other resources, withholding money, or withholding information about finances from them.
• Neglect is when someone does not meet the basic needs to provide care for a dependent family member or intimate partner, such as not providing proper food, warm clothing, health care, medication, appropriate hygiene, proper supervision, or protection from physical harm.

Learn more about the different types of abuse, the effects of regular violence on a person’s mental, physical, and spiritual health, and how to find and provide help and support in this recorded webinar: “Let’s Talk about Abuse: Love Shouldn’t Hurt”

Resources:

If you or someone you know needs helps, get connected to confidential supports and resources by calling the ACCESS Line at 1-888-536-3599 or using the online form.

• To find family violence supports or programs in your area, please call 211 or visit this Government of Canada website.
• If you are concerned about a child being abused, please contact your local child welfare agency.  
• If you know an elder who needs support, please visit this Government of Canada website.
• If you know a minor in need of support, please contact the Kids Help Phone for 24/7 confidential support across Canada, available in English or French. This includes access to professional counselling, information, and referrals. Call 1-888-686-8686, Text 686868, or find more information on the Kids Help Phone website.

We are currently looking for energetic and passionate Family Navigators, who will provide support in building individual and family plans. The Family Navigator will offer extensive, direct one-on-one support to build a plan that addresses each individual or family's needs, and identify access to resources.

Family Navigators can be based anywhere in Canada, and will report to the Local Council Member. This is a one-year commitment, and candidates must provide the Vulnerable Police Reference Check/ the Vulnerable Sector Screening clearance in order to be considered. Fluency in speaking/writing both English and French is an asset.

For more details and to apply, please refer to Opportunities to Serve.

Learn more about Future Ready Initiative.

Help empower individuals and families to reach their potential.

We are recruiting Family Mentors to share their time and knowledge. They will provide guidance and encouragement to individuals and families who are working towards achieving their future goals, as defined by a plan.

Family Mentors can be based anywhere in Canada, and will report to the Local Council Member. This is a one-year commitment, and candidates must provide the Vulnerable Police Reference Check/ the Vulnerable Sector Screening clearance in order to be considered. Fluency in speaking/writing both English and French is an asset.

For more details and to apply, please refer to Opportunities to Serve, as well as the brochure.

Learn more about the Future Ready Initiative.

Bullying can occur anywhere. As a community, we can take effective steps towards preventing bullying and stopping it when it occurs. Each of us has the power to stand up to bullying and promote an environment of kindness and respect for everyone. As a community we must send a clear message that bullying is not okay and will not be tolerated. We can and should support children who are bullied and who bully others, be role models and teach our youth how to treat others with kindness, and empower people to intervene when they see bullying occurring.

What exactly can we do as a community to help prevent bullying?

Help children and youth understand what bullying is and send a clear message that it is not okay. As a community, we’re taking a step towards stopping bullying with this anti-bullying campaign. It encourages us to learn about bullying, however, each one of us has a role to play in order to send a clear message that bullying is not okay. As adults, it’s also important that we help our children and youth understand what bullying is, why bullying is prevalent, who they can turn to when it occurs, and what actions they can take if they see it occurring. Hearing anti-bullying messages from different adults in their lives can reinforce the message that bullying is not acceptable.

Intervene when bullying occurs. We need to be able to support the children who are bullied, and help redirect the behaviour of children who bully in order to stop bullying altogether.

Engage and empower bystanders to intervene. It’s vital that bullying gets stopped as soon as possible when it does occur. Empowering our youth by providing them with safe tips on how to intervene and report this behaviour is one of the most effective ways of doing so.

Model how to treat others with kindness and respect. As adults, it’s important that we’re aware of our actions – kids and our youth learn from it. By treating one another with kindness and respect, we’re sending the message that there’s no room for bullying.

Keep communication lines open. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, guidance counsellor, or in any position where you’re supporting a child or youth, check in with them regularly, listen to them, and reassure them that they can talk to you if they have any problems.

Resources to help prevent and stop bullying

• “Bullying - We Can All Help Stop It”, by the Government of Ontario
• “What Parents Can Do To Prevent Bullying”, by the Government of Newfoundland and Labrador
• “6 Ways Educators Can Prevent Bullying In Schools”, by Lesley University

Bullying can happen when there is a real or perceived power imbalance. It can happen more frequently to those who are part of marginalized communities, and can even surface from daily interactions with peers.   

There are a few ideas and strategies that may assist with developing coping strategies to bullying, which in turn could strengthen family harmony. Firstly, it is essential to provide a safe space where everyone can be themselves - including children, family members, and caregivers. In these spaces, there is no room for judgement; rather, it should be a space where there is empathy and integrity, a space where there is active listening rather than dictating, and reasoning rather than arguing. Having this safe space and defining clear expectations of these spaces are critical for younger children, as they often model their parents or siblings growing up, so to lead by example and operate from a position of trust would become a catalyst in building family harmony and resiliency to bullying.

Currently, we live in dynamic communities with diverse cultures and environments. Further advancement in technology, the availability of resources, and discussions on social media about real issues means that a lot of information is readily available. All of this should ultimately be leveraged for positive reasons. We should aim to use these resources to come together, build resilient communities, and forge stronger relationships. Embracing diversity and being aware of challenges will help in creating a 'safer' environment for everyone around us, and enable us to converse about hard topics. Family and friends are instrumental towards advocating for – and with – loved ones who experience bullying.

Finally, as caregivers and family members, we may not always have the right answers. Seeking help and utilizing available resources is encouraged; it is a sign of strength. It is the ethical thing to do. Advocating for your loved ones is critical. Recognizing that something is not right and then putting in the time and effort to seek specialized care is the right thing to do. Resources available to youth include speaking to their mentors/teachers at schools or BUI, and parents can speak to their friends, doctors, or counsellors. We encourage children to reach out to specialized services as well, such as the Kids Help Phone (1-800-668-6868) and/or Youth Services Bureau (613-260-2360). Parents can call the Parent’s Lifelines of Eastern Ontario (613-321-3211).  Within our Jamat, you can also reach out to the leadership who can guide you to additional resources, or call the Jamati Access Line (1-888-536-3599). These conversations are important and should not be ignored.

For more information, please visit the following sources:

• Understanding Bullying - For Friends and Family, by the “headspace” National Youth Mental Health Foundation
• Cyberbullying, by “KidsHealth” from The Nemours Foundation

Bullying should never be considered a part of of growing up. It is a serious issue, with far-reaching consequences for youth, their families, peers, and the community.

Many children, unfortunately, have a very good idea of what bullying is: 1 in 5 Ontario students reported being bullied at school, according to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH). Some of these students experience bullying every single day.

There are many ways that young people bully each otherincluding: punching, shoving, other acts that can hurt physically, as well as spreading rumours, keeping certain people out of a group, and teasing.

What are the mental health consequences of bullying?

Bullying hurts. It can make children feel lonely, unsafe, and scared. It can make them lose confidence and avoid attending school altogether. Bullying can have a wide range of both short-term and long-term physical and psychological consequences.

Some examples include:

• Withdrawal from family and school activities
• Social anxiety
• Loneliness
• Stomach aches
• Physical illness
• Low self-esteem
• Headaches
• Nightmares
• Exhaustion
• Insomnia

Bullying has affected children for generations, but we have only recently started to understand the far-reaching mental health effects it can have. Research suggests that children and youth who are bullied are more likely to experience emotional, behavioura and relationship problems, such as: depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem. Children who have been bullied are nearly 40 per cent more likely to be diagnosed with mental health issues as teenagers according to research from the University of Alberta and Dalhousie University.

Everyone suffers when bullying occurs, and everyone can help to prevent it. In 85% of cases, bullying takes place in front of witnesses. By preventing bullying, we can help to ensure that all students have healthy, safe, respectful, and caring relationships in their lives.

If you or someone you know, is experiencing bullying and need help, please contact:

• Kids Help Phone 1-(800)-668-6868 or
• Bullying Canada 1 (877) 352-4497

Bullying is hurtful behaviour that causes harm to its victims and is usually done by someone exerting power. Bullying can occur in many forms, such as physical, verbal, and even online. Here are some of the ways you can support victims of bullying:

• Recognize the signs of bullying. Examples include teasing, threats, humiliation, harassment, or assault. Cyber-bullying is bullying using any online platform.
• Respond to the bullying by standing up for the person being bullied, going to get help, or supporting the person.
• Let the victims know you are there for them.
• Show empathy, kindness, and respect to the person being bullied by listening to them.
• Get involved in bullying awareness initiatives.
• Share various resources about bullying through posts and social media.
• Develop bullying prevention policies in your community, school, and in the workplace.

Bullying is often worse and lasts longer when there are bystanders around. If you are a bystander, you have the power to help in 3 ways:

1. Stay and help

      - Tell the person who is bullying to stop.

       - Call 911 if the situation is violent and the person being bullied is in immediate danger.

2. Leave and get help

      - Find someone who has the skills and authority to help such as a teacher, supervisor, police officer, or coach.

      - Share what you saw and heard with the person who can help.

3. After the incident, support the person targeted

    -  Let them know that they do not deserve to be treated that way and it is not their fault.

    - Whenever possible, include them in your future activities.

Due to the pandemic, people are spending more time online as they are working and schooling from home. Technology can be very helpful when used properly, but it can also be used to target people for cyber-bullying. Cyber-bullying is a form of mental bullying and harassment that happens via the internet, and it can lead to low self-esteem and even suicide. Children and teens are susceptible to cyber-bullying. As a youth, if you see or suspect that your friends are being bullied, either cyber or in person, here are some ways you can support that person:

• Inform an adult about your suspicions and any incidents.
• If you see someone being bullied, speak and stand up for them.
• If bullying escalates to violence, get an adult or the police involved immediately.

For more information on cyber-bullying, please see the information posted on Public Safety Canada

It is important to remember that if someone is being bullied, you need to listen carefully, without judgement and reservation. Reassure the person being bullied that it is not their fault, and support them in any way that they need.

As a parent, support your child by listening to them and being involved in their activities. As an educator, emphasize that bullying will not be tolerated in class or in school, and keep an eye out for signs of bullying. Create policies and plans to prevent bullying. Support your students if you suspect someone being bullied, and take the necessary steps to put an end to it. As an employer, create policies that clearly identify bullying behaviours, and establish a zero-tolerance policy for such actions.

Visit this Government of Alberta website for tips on what you can do to support victims of bullying.

For more information on bullying, please visit the PREVNet (Promoting Relationships and Eliminating Violence Network) website

Bullying is often most observable amongst kids and teens, however, bullying can happen at any age. Behaviours associated with bullying can develop over an extended period of time and may continue well into adulthood. There is no simple, easy answer as to why some people bully, but focusing on some common conceptualizations provides insight into understanding the motivations behind bullying.

Common reasons include:

• Domination
• Powerlessness, and trying to regain power
• Insecurity
• Popularity
• Thinking it will improve social status
• Prejudice and discrimination
• Peer pressure
• Exposure to violence
• Victim of bullying

Individuals who demonstrate control, power, or domination over others are more likely to bully. Bullies exert physical and emotional influence to inflict harm on others. They may also use threats, rumors, physical or verbal attacks, and intentional exclusion. At times, bullying can be viewed as an expression of subordinate social status, where one might feel the need to improve their social status at the expense of harming another.

Childhood bullying can be the most prevalent in situations where a child bullies on the premise of acquiring popularity and targeting the most vulnerable people. Children may also bully because they feel insecure within a group of people. The fear of not being accepted or the fear of becoming the next target can lead children to bully others. Additionally, some children may bully because they are emotionally neglected, bullied, abused, and/or are experiencing violence themselves. The various impacts of childhood bullying continues into adulthood.

Prejudicial bullying arises from a learned belief that certain groups of people are not entitled to the same level of respect relative to other groups. When prejudicial bullying occurs, children can be seen to target those who may look physically different to them. This type of severe bullying can perpetuate discrimination and eventually lead to hate crimes.

Adults who tend to experience bullying in the workplace are most likely to report being depressed, anxious, and under substantial amounts of stress. At its core, workplace bullying is often hard to recognize because it is best understood as something psychological. Workplace bullying can include unreasonable demands, setting impossible deadlines, interference with work, and the discounting of achievements.

Some reasons that adults bully:

• Targeting someone that they feel is a threat
• In order to further their own agenda at the expense of harming another
• To deny responsibility for their own behaviour
• To mask their lack of confidence and low self-esteem

It is important to discourage bullying by always being a good role model and showing our children from a young age that the only way to overcome difficulties is by utilizing positive methods. It is paramount to reiterate to our children and to the other members of the Jamat that bullying is hurtful, harmful, and should be avoided at all costs.

If you are concerned that a child is being bullied or needs support, please report it to a local authority or organization, or reach out for support.

Bullying is aggressive, harmful, and unwanted behaviour directed at an individual to make them feel hurt, afraid, or humiliated. It is intentional and potentially repetitive actions by the aggressor in an attempt to exert their power in a negative manner, where they deliberately hurt someone. Bullying can have lasting effects on the victim, including depression, substance abuse, criminal behaviour, and challenges maintaining healthy relationships. When we think of bullying, we might think of students in schools getting bullied, but bullying can happen across all ages and environments, including in the workplace and at home. Bullying can take various forms. If you or someone you know is experience bullying, it is important to reach out and seek support.

Common Types of Bullying:

• Physical bullying – the use of physical force, including pushing, shoving, hitting, tripping, unwanted sexual touching, or stealing or destroying one’s personal belongings. Physical bullying might not always leave a physical scar.
• Verbal bullying – verbal attacks, including name-calling, teasing, uttering threats, spreading rumours, or any other kind of hurtful comments.
• Cyber bullying – using the internet, social media, text messages, or any other digital platforms to harass, intimidate, spread rumours, or otherwise insult someone.
• Social bullying – excluding someone from a group, spreading rumours, public humiliation, scapegoating, or giving someone the “silent treatment”. This can also take the form of cyber bullying when done in an online capacity.
• Discriminatory bullying – harassment based on sexual orientation, ethnicity, gender identity, religion or anything perceived as making an individual “different”.

Where Bullying can Happen:

Bullying in schools is a common occurrence. At least 1 in 3 adolescent students in Canada have reported being bullied, and almost half of the parents in the country have reported having a child that is the victim of bullying. In the majority of cases, bullying stops within 10 seconds when peers intervene or do not support the bullying behaviour. But bullying is not just limited to the school environment. In a study conducted by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 37% of workers have been bullied, with 57% of the targets being women. The study also found that the majority of bullies, 72%, are people in positions of authority. Workplace bullying can involve destroying reputations by spreading false or incriminating information, humiliation in front of colleagues, controlling resources needed for an employee to succeed, and intimidation.

Where to Get Support

No matter where the bullying is taking place or who the bully is, this behaviour is never appropriate. It is also important to remember that the person experiencing the bullying is not alone. Reaching out for help and support is key to putting an end to bullying

The following links provide more information on resources to access for support:

• Bullying Canada
• Canada Safety Council
• Kids Help Phone

Sources:

• What is bullying?  What can be done? by Bullying Canada
• Working with a Bully, by the Canada Safety Council
• Bullying, by the Canadian Red Cross
• What is bullying, by the Kids Help Phone
• Workplace bullying, by the Anonymous Employee
• Workplace Bullying Institute, Bullying Bosses: A Survivor’s Guide